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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29245611">when the bones are good</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/limey5/pseuds/limey5'>limey5</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Chicago Fire</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>9x5 Spoilers, Angst, F/M, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Idiots in Love, Stella for Lieutenant, Stellaride</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 10:55:09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,894</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29245611</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/limey5/pseuds/limey5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It was exhausting being mad at him, but she reminded herself - for the millionth time - that she couldn’t always shoulder Kelly’s problems. She’d done that with Grant, and it had nearly killed her.<br/>-<br/>Or, Stella goes back to the apartment to get study materials and ends up confronting Severide.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Stella Kidd/Kelly Severide, Sylvie Brett &amp; Stella Kidd</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>34</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This song by Maren Morris wouldn’t get out of my head and it just reminds me of Stellaride so much. Sat down to maybe write a reconciliation, and somehow this angsty thing came out. I haven’t read any spoilers or watched previews or anything beyond 9x5, so I don’t know how Stellaride will proceed, but I have a feeling Derek Haas has at least a little more angst up his sleeve before it gets better. </p><p>Tiny reference to one of my favorite movies in there. Let me know which movie you think it is!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>We're in the homestretch of the hard times<br/>
We took a hard left, but we're alright<br/>
Yeah, life sure can try to put love through it, but<br/>
We built this right, so nothing's ever gonna move it</p><p>When the bones are good, the rest don't matter<br/>
Yeah, the paint could peel, the glass could shatter<br/>
Let it rain 'cause you and I remain the same<br/>
When there ain't a crack in the foundation<br/>
Baby, I know any storm we're facing<br/>
Will blow right over while we stay put<br/>
The house don't fall when the bones are good<br/>
- Maren Morris, The Bones</p><p> </p><p>When was the last time they’d WD40’d the front door hinges? And did her keys always jangle this loud? Stella didn’t remember it echoing this much when she entered her apartment before. It was ridiculous, but she felt very conspicuous. Like a cat burglar in her own home.</p><p>Not that it felt like much of a home lately, and she’d not been there recently. Shift before last, Brett had invited her over for a girls night. They’d had too much wine, and they’d each vented about their romantic situations, the disaster that they were, with Stella staying the night. And the night after that. She felt bad crashing on Sylvie’s couch, but, with whatever the hell was going on with Kelly, she felt it was better for her sanity to give him space. Her exam was inching closer, and she didn’t have time to deal with this drama.</p><p>And then he’d damn near ignored her for all of last shift. He’d stared at her from afar before the bells went off, and barely glanced at her when they pulled on their turnout gear. Mouch had nearly died in a flashover, and Hermann and Cruz practically fell down an elevator shaft. And Kelly totally ignored her even after the building was clear. She’d spent the rest of their frustratingly quiet shift hiding in the bunk room, alternating between studying her old textbooks and pretending to be asleep just to avoid facing him.</p><p>After shift was over, she spent another movie night at Sylvie’s, choosing not to go home for fear of more silence. This morning Brett was off teaching a spin class and Stella sat at her friend’s kitchen table, preparing for another morning of studying. Except her best study guide, the one she’d color-coded with all the tips she’d collected from Casey and Boden, was nowhere to be found. She swore she brought it to the station last shift, which meant it should have been in her bag at Sylvie’s. But it wasn’t, and with only one other place it could be, Stella grudgingly hopped in her car.</p><p>It was early. Brett was teaching the 7 AM class, and had woken Stella up when she left. Hopefully Stella could slip in her apartment2 and grab a few things, getting in and out before Kelly even woke up. Plus she was out of clothes, and Tom Skilling was calling for frigid temps this weekend.</p><p>The apartment was quiet, and, besides the overwhelming emotional exhaustion that had seeped into her bones this week, it felt like normal. Kelly had toed his boots off next to the door, a ring of dried salt surrounding them on the concrete floor. A couple of empty beer bottles sat on the coffee table, their labels picked off and shredded to pieces beside them. She opened the front closet and grabbed her old backpack. She spied their laundry basket, sitting exactly where she’d left it almost a week ago. Digging out a hoodie and warm sweatpants, she shoved them in her bag before starting to look for the study guide. It had to be here.</p><p>Except it wasn’t on the entryway table. Or the living room. She hoped to God it wasn’t on her nightstand. She started digging through their few kitchen junk drawers, thinking that maybe Kelly had shelved it, since he clearly didn’t care to help her. She was still flipping through assorted papers when she heard the bedroom door opening.</p><p>Her boyfriend stumbled out, sweatpants riding low on his hips. He had clearly just woken up, rubbing sleep out of his eyes as he made his way to the coffee maker. The sight almost did her in. It was exhausting being mad at him, but she reminded herself - for the millionth time - that she couldn’t always shoulder Kelly’s problems. She’d done that with Grant, and it had nearly killed her.</p><p>She had to get out of here. She slammed the drawer, grabbing her backpack from the floor and quickly zipping it up.</p><p>“Fuck the study guide. I’ll just have to do without it.” Her voice must’ve pulled him out of his half asleep stupor, and he froze halfway to the kitchen. She spared him another glance, her heart hurting more than it had in days, before making her way to the front door.</p><p>“Stella…” Kelly finally called out to her. His voice was gravelly - he had just woken up. She paused in the doorway, a hand on the frame, waiting for him to continue. She could hear the pain in his voice, and she warred with herself on whether she should turn around. They’d been through so much together, and she’d thought (before this) that they were so solid. Nothing could break the bones of their relationship. Except she’d been wrong.</p><p>She’d been studying by herself for weeks. If Kelly didn’t want to help, fine. Hermann had quizzed her on flash cards when it was slow at the bar, and, as annoying as he was, Capp was proving to be a rather helpful tutor about squad stuff. Not to mention the help from Boden and Casey.</p><p>She sighed and slowly turned to face her boyfriend. “What, Kelly?”</p><p>He scratched the back of his neck, averting his eyes from her. Avoiding the issues, great. Something new and different. He hadn’t spoken more than a handful of words to her in a week, and it didn’t look like he was about to start now.</p><p>For whatever reason, he’d pushed her away. Nothing she could do would make him start talking, and she had studying to do. She reshouldered her backpack and made to walk out the door. She couldn’t do this, wait on Kelly to come around again.</p><p>“Stella, I…” he stopped himself. She paused again, huffing at his inaction.</p><p>“You, what, Kelly? I can’t keep doing this again. You don’t want to help me study? Fine. I’m a smart girl, I don’t need your help.”</p><p>“I thought it was for the best.”</p><p>“You thought what was for the best? Ignoring me when I needed help? Leaving me with Capp? Do you know he memorized Squad terms using the alphabet?” She let out a bitter laugh. “I’ve had Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star stuck in my head for weeks.” Kelly shifted from foot to foot, none of the confident posture that he typically had. She could tell he was nervous.</p><p>She glared at him. At least he was talking. She was sure his reasoning would be shit, but maybe at least she’d finally know why he was acting so weird lately.</p><p>“I ran into Chief Conway when I was down at Headquarters a few weeks ago. He said that people think you’re getting ahead because you’re sleeping with me.”</p><p>“That’s bullshit. I’m qualified to be Lieutenant, and you know it.” It had taken Stella a long time to realize her worth. When Boden first approached her about becoming an officer, she wasn’t sure what he saw in her. But little by little, she saw what Boden claimed he knew all along - that she was a capable, proficient leader.</p><p>“You are. You’re going to make a great one. But Stella, I knew it couldn’t be me that stood in your way. If I helped you, everyone would think you got it because of me. If I gave you space, you’d prove yourself without my shadow.”</p><p>“Well gee. Thanks for deciding what was best for me,” she snarked, rolling her eyes.</p><p>Stella closed her eyes and braced her hand on her forehead, forcefully exhaling. She loved Kelly, she loved him so much. But she couldn’t do this. She didn’t know if her next words were as final as they implied, but she wasn’t sure how they could get past this. He’d put perception, gossip ahead of her and her goals, ahead of their relationship.</p><p>“Goodbye, Kelly.”</p><p>She made it all the way to the car before she allowed herself to cry.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Here's the thing: he always knew she could do it. He hadn't lied to her when he said that. But Kelly had spent his whole life living in the shadow of the great Benny Severide. He'd finally overcome the ghost of his father, or at least he thought he had. </p>
<p>-Or Kelly waits and thinks on his mistakes.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Final chapter of "Bones". Y'all asked for more. Kelly's perspective. Still in love, maybe a little less idiots. Or at least he's realized he's an idiot. Let's ignore the canon timeline a bit and assume the lieutenant exam is a few weeks after 9x5, instead of a few months.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Fuck. Fuck, he was an idiot. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Severide spat his coffee out almost immediately, the beverage still burning hot. His tongue was definitely burnt now.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He knew how stupid he'd been. It wasn't as if he didn't know that. For all his harping on Casey - "C'mon man, you know how you feel about Brett. You just gotta deal with your past so you can do something about it" - and he'd never taken his own advice. Such a dumbass.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It had been almost a month since that terrible… interaction with Stella. He couldn't even call it a talk, not when he stumbled over his words and drove her away with no more than a sentence. </span>
  <span>He knew it was more than his words that day. Stella deserved so much more than his shit-for-brains self, someone who could communicate his feelings and make decisions with her, instead of for her.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It had been a long three weeks. Sure his bed had been cold, but so had his whole life. Stella had once brought so much warmth into his every day existence. Her absence was jarring.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Kelly leaned against his car, a half a block or so down the street. He was far enough away that he had to squint to make out the people exiting CFD Headquarters. So far he'd only seen people in uniform and other brass leave. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Today was the day Stella had originally been scheduled to take the lieutenant's exam. He had no way to be sure that she'd gone ahead with taking it - Brett wouldn't speak to him, and Casey didn't know shit because Brett wasn't speaking to </span>
  <em>
    <span>him -</span>
  </em>
  <span> but based on the few glimpses he'd had of her on shift, how furiously she'd been studying, everything was full steam ahead.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Here's the thing: he always knew she could do it. He hadn't lied to her when he said that. But Kelly had spent his whole life living in the shadow of the </span>
  <em>
    <span>great</span>
  </em>
  <span> Benny Severide. He'd finally overcome the ghost of his father, or at least he thought he had. </span>
  <span>It took three separate cigar chats on the roof for Casey to beat it into his brain that he had been projecting his feelings about his dad onto Stella. How the years of people thinking he'd gotten by just because of who he was had shaped him. Why had he refused to see how his own issues were destroying one of the best things he had in his life?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He'd woken up this morning, as dejected as he'd been since the day she left. Looked to his left to crack his neck, and that's when he saw it. </span>
  <span>The dogeared study guide still sat exactly where she'd left it on her nightstand. When he had felt extra sorry for himself, he sat on her side </span>
  <span>of the bed and started at her handwriting. Thumbed the edge of the page just to touch something she had touched. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>That's when he knew he needed to be here today. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He'd fought so hard to get out of Benny's shadows, to prove he was worthy of his bugles. Regardless of what anyone said, he knew he was a good firefighter and a good leader. He was such an idiot not to realize that Stella would do exactly the same, fight to be recognized for her accomplishments alone. They were so similar. They initially doubted themselves, but then fought tooth and nail for what they wanted. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Except she hadn't fought for him. When she walked away from him it hurt so badly. He didn't know if her final words to him were the last words he'd ever speak to his girlfriend. Sure, they exchanged vague pleasantries when forced in the same room in the firehouse. At Molly's, where she'd refused to serve him, even though there were only a handful of other people in the bar last week. He'd had to wait 15 minutes for Hermann to come back from the kitchen just to get a beer.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Chances were she'd fucking nail the lieutenant's exam, but there weren't opportunities for advancement at 51. He couldn't see her waiting years for an opportunity like Hermann. She'd transfer to another firehouse for the promotion and be out of his orbit for good. Maybe he'd see her when there was a multi-alarm, or he'd get a glimpse from across the bar, but he wouldn't get her. Not really.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The thing was, he still wanted that for her. Even if he couldn't get his shit together, he wanted her to have all the success in the world. </span>
  <span>He sent up a silent prayer that she would succeed on the test. Honestly she didn't need it, but after refusing to help her study, he needed to contribute somehow. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Movement out of the corner of his eye startled him out of his introspection. It caused him to slosh his coffee, which thankfully was now lukewarm, all over his hand. He grumbled to himself and shook the liquid off. </span>
  <span>A few plainclothes folks had exited the building, chatting as they walked. </span>
  <span>He couldn't see well from here - he really needed to go to the eye doctor - but it looked like Johnson from 48 and Boyd from 17. And Stella. He didn't need glasses to see her and to know that the test must've gone well. Her body language was exuberant. She nearly bounced down the steps, chatting to the two men and gesturing widely with her hands. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He hadn't seen her car when he'd parked here, so he was surprised to see Stella walking his way. Kelly tried to get in his car before she saw him, but he knew his car wasn't inconspicuous. She'd know it was him as soon as she saw it. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The key was halfway into the lock when she approached the car parked behind him. He couldn't place the tan Toyota. Stella pulled the door open and tossed her bag on the front seat before leaning over the open driver's side door and glaring at him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Kelly. What are you doing here?"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He didn't mean to evade the question, but his brain hadn't been prepared to interact with her. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"What happened to your car?" He asked, dumbly. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She sighed. "The transmission went out. Mackey let me borrow her car for the day after I dropped her off at her folks'."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"That was nice of her." He paused. "I...I could have driven you." He pocketed his keys and went to lean against his trunk. He actively fought the urge to cross his arms. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Could you really though? Kelly, we haven't talked in weeks."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"I know. And I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry, Stell. Casey near had to beat it into me, but I realized I was pushing you away because it's what I wished Benny would've done for me." He looked down at his boots, ashamed. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I just wanted you to succeed so badly, and I didn't want your name tarnished in the process." He started to walk towards her, but stopped himself, unsure if she would want him near. His heart started beating faster when Stella shut her door and started walking towards him. She sat down on the hood across from him, leaning forward slightly and putting her hands between her knees.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Kelly, we can't do this if you don't let me in. We could have figured that out together, but when you got spooked you shut down. I can't be in a relationship by myself."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"I know. I know I'm shit at communicating. But I want to try Stella. Will you let me try?" There was a long moment of silence, and he thought it would kill him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Ok."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Okay?" His face broke out into a grin. Things between them weren't fixed, but at least this was a start.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Okay. On one condition. You buy me chocolate chip pancakes." Stella had a shy smile and was looking at him through her eyelashes. Kelly laughed for what felt like the first time in years.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"How about I take you to breakfast to celebrate your test being over? I'm sure you kicked ass on it."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"You're sure, huh?"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"You never needed me, you're so smart and capable." He turned serious again. "But I'm sorry I didn't help you when you asked, that I let you down. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Thank you, Kelly." He took a chance and reached for her, wrapping her in his arms. She fit perfectly under his chin and he rested his cheek on the top of her head. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath. He missed her smell - a heady mix of sandalwood, jasmine and just a little bit like smoke - he missed everything about her.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Thank </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Stell. I'll make this up to you. I promise I will."</span>
</p>
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